


Your will to live

by angrygermanchild



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, Biting, Blood, Blood Drinking, Blood Loss, Bottom Eren Yeager, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Depression, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Human Eren Yeager, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sex, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Top Eren Yeager, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Vampire Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Vampires, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:47:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21538462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angrygermanchild/pseuds/angrygermanchild
Summary: Levi has lived long enough for his liking. He believes it's finally time to end his presence on earth completely. But how can you die when you are already dead? Nothing has worked so far so Levi decides to just starve himself. But then he suddenly meets a young boy with ocean eyes, who changes his life completely. Will he be able to save the vampires life?
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 4
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

It's been a while since he's left his house. If you'd ask him how many days exactly he wouldn't even know what to answer to that question. One Week? Or maybe even two already? He had no idea. Because what’s the point of keeping track of the time?  
Time becomes irrelevant when you're just waiting for death to finally take you.

Yes Levi was wanting to kill himself.

Everyone would have been in shock hearing that this man who looked like he was twenty-five or maybe thirty years old had only one wish. To end his life.  
But that was not Levi's age. Levi was five hundred years old. Because Levi was a vampire. The deadly blood sucking creature you'd hear about in stories when you were young, with the intention to scare you and keep you from leaving your home at night. But well, nobody believes those fantasy tales anyways.  
But vampires existed. Hidden under humans, controlling their bloodlust and fitting into society without anyone noticing. Still there were not many vampires left. Vampire hunters had killed most of them hundred of years ago and even today they are still dying out. Because turning a person into a vampire does not happen with just one bite like it is always explained in stories. To turn a human in a vampire the both species have to share blood, which is known as a dangerous ritual, during which process both participants can die. And also in this place and time capturing a human or stealing blood from hospitals will get you arrested so it’s not as easy to get food as a vampire.

But Levi didn’t care, last time he had drunk human blood was about three weeks ago and he was not going to give in this time. Two weeks ago he had looked himself in his small apartment trying to starve himself. Which he knew was not going to be a pleasant time, but he had no choice left. He had tried different options but nothing had worked.

Drowning? Didn't work.

Hanging? Also a failure.

Drug overdose? Nope also was not working.

Sunlight? Well he had no problem in the sun. It was just a legend that vampires would die in the sun, so it was also no option.

He also tried many other things, but without any luck. So he choose to just starve himself. Without blood he would die. He was sure of that, even though he didn’t know how long it would take.

Being looked in into your apartment made the whole time a lot more boring, but he didn’t dare to go out. Scared of loosing control and biting someone when the starvation was becoming really bad. So he was lying in his bed in complete darkness staring onto the ceiling. His throat was dry from not drinking anything. His gums hurt and were swollen. His fangs were visible more than ever and the pain in his stomach got worse each day. But it would be worth it, at least that’s what he told himself.

Suddenly his phone stared vibrating violently under his blanket. He didn’t know what to do with himself anymore, because lying around in his bed was becoming really boring. So he felt like he might aswell look what was going on. He took his phone and looked at the missed phone calls and messages send by his best friend Hange. By looking at the messages she had sent him you could easily see that she was worried about him. He hadn’t told anyone about his plan to kill himself and he kind of felt bad for not telling her, leaving her worried.

He promised himself to not open his phone, because he knew that there could be something changing his mind about his plans and he didn’t want that. But now he did and it kind of made him angry. But he was not only angry at himself for looking at those messages. He was angry at himself for being selfish and not even telling his best friend about any of this. Of course he didn’t want to hurt her by saying he was going to kill himself, but wouldn’t it hurt her even more to just leave without saying anything and without her knowing what was going on.

There were many messages she had sent. Who could blame her though? He had been gone for two weeks now, of course she would be worried. But the last message she had send yesterday left him wondering what he should do.

Hange: Hey Levi, I know you’re not going to answer any of this and I don’t expect you to do so. But if there is something I can help you with or something you want to explain to me, I’ll be at the bar we always used to go to at 8 tomorrow evening. I understand if you don’t come but please consider it…

This message made him pause. He felt so bad, but he didn’t know what to do. So many thoughts were running through his head. Should he really consider it? Was it a good idea to leave his house when he had been without drinking blood for so long? Would he control himself and not freak out?

“God Hange are you kidding me” he said annoyed grinding his teeth together.

He looked at the clock at his phone. It was almost half an hour before eight. So if he really wanted to meet her he’d have to hurry.

“Fuck it” he cursed under his breath, getting up from his bed and walking trough his dark apartment going for a quick shower and change of clothes.

Before leaving his apartment he said to himself to just stay calm and just explain it to Hange as good as he could. He also promised himself to go back as soon as possible and not to let Hange change his mind, no matter what she would say to him or what her opinion would be. She of course knew he was a Vampire, but he was certain of the fact that she still would not understand his decision. He told himself that his plan would stay the same and it wouldn’t change anything.


	2. Chapter 2

He stepped outside of his apartment searching for the keys of his car in the pockets of his leather Jacket. He got into his car and started driving, while he lit a cigarette, letting his arm hang out of the window and taking a drag of the cigarette once a while. Smoking was calming to him and after all it wouldn’t hurt him to smoke and even if it would he wouldn’t care. He exhaled the smoke feeling a lot better and he was hoping that he wouldn’t regret his decision.

He watched the passing cars and observed the lights sparkle on the sides of roads. The dark always seemed so peaceful to him. He kinda was grateful about the fact that Hange’s text made him leave his apartment. He missed being outside in the dark.

He pulled up to the bar and then he saw her. His best friend, shivering on the side of the street, wrapped in a big fluffy coat. Her glasses were fogged-up and her hands looked red from the cold. His heart started to break at that side. He had left her, without bothering to tell her anything. Leaving her clueless about what was going on with him. He could already be dead and she woudn’t know. 

He got out of the car, stepping on his cigarette and making his way towards his friend. She didn’t notice him until he was almost right in front of her.

He didn’t know what to say or how to talk to her. He just stared at her and it took a few seconds for his voice to work again. 

“Hi” he said, his voice sounding alien to him, he hadn’t spoken to a single person for many days, so it was weird to actually talk to someone again.

She focused her attention towards the man in front of her. And if she hadn’t heard his voice clearly she would have sworn that this were her eyes playing tricks.

“Fuck Levi! Oh my god you’re alive.” She screamed at the top of her lunges taking Levi into her arms hugging him tightly. “I’m so glad you came, I was so worried.”

“Okay calm down and let me go. People probably already think you are crazy.” He said, gently pushing her of him. 

For the fist time he started paying attention to the people around them standing outside of the bar. There were Teens wanting to get drunk and ready to party. People in their suits going for a beer after a long day of work. Alcoholics searching for their next opportunity to get wasted. So many people. So much blood. 

He couldn’t stop smelling the air. All of his senses being filled by the smell coming from the people. He felt disgusted by himself. By what he was. These humans were people just like him. So why did he have to be the monster that saw people as food. It made him sick. But it didn’t stop his hunger.

He took some deep breaths, trying to calm himself. And lighting another cigarette, so he would smell the smoke instead of the blood. He instantly felt a lot better when the nicotine invaded his senses and filled his nose with the toxic smell of smoke.

“You don’t look that good Levi, are you okay?” She asked, looking at him concerned. 

She was right. He was looking really bad. He had noticed it when he looked at himself in the mirror, while he changed his clothes before leaving. His pale skin was lighter than it already was and he had dark bags under his eyes. He probably looked like a corpse already. He was a vampire after all. He was used to looking dead, but this was probably a new level of dead.

“I’m fine, don’t worry about it.” He said to her. Not wanting to make her worry even more. But that answer didn’t satisfy her. Of course it wouldn’t. She knew him better than anyone else.

“Where have you been? And why didn’t you answer any of my messages?” Fuck, that question. He knew she would ask it at some point and he knew he had to answer it. The curiosity in her eyes and the sadness made it impossible to get out a word. He couldn’t tell her. At least not right now. He had to get distracted first, because his cigarettes were not helping anymore.

“I’ll tell you later, I promise. But let’s get a drink first.” He said walking towards the entry of the bar, with Hange following him inside, not asking him any more questions and respecting the fact that he needed a little bit of time before telling her. Which surprised him.

The music was loud. Levi liked that a lot. It was distracting. He saw Hange stopped a few steps after entering the bar and started talking to a guy, greeting him happily. They looked like they knew each other. She was smiling instantly. Probably someone she had met while he was gone. He was glad to see that she had found someone. So him leaving wouldn’t probably be too bad.

He started walking towards the bar. Looking out for a barkeeper. He didn’t expect the person at the bar to be so young though. And his eyes, they were amazing. He couldn’t remember that he had ever seen such a beautiful color. They looked like he was staring directly into the ocean. He had never really called a man beautiful, but if he had to describe this guy, he would have called him breathtaking.

“What can I get for you” He asked smiling at Levi.

“I don’t care just get me something strong.” Levi said still staring into his eyes.

“No problem, I’ll make you something special.” He answered excited.

How happy can you be working at a filthy place like this, with all kinds of drunk and disgusting people surrounding you, Levi thought to himself.

He started mixing different kinds of liquor, then placing the glass in front of Levi a few seconds later. The red liquid made him pause for a second, but as soon as he took a sip and the strong taste and smell of heavy alcohol wrapped his senses in a deep fog he instantly felt a lot better.

“Hope you like it. I’m not the guy to support alcohol, but maybe it’ll get your mind off of your problems.” He said, leaning against the counter.

“What makes you say that?” Levi asked blankly, not exactly understanding what the young barkeeper was referring to.

“Oh… you just looked like you had a stressful day, at least that’s what came to my mind when I noticed the blank look on your face. I apologise for the remark though.” He said nervous, scratching the back of his head.

“Don’t worry about it, you’re kind of right anyways.” Levi answered, taking a big gulp of the toxic smelling liquor in front of him.

The boy nodded, not asking any more questions. He knew when to stop talking about something which was not a pleasant topic. But he couldn’t suppress a small remark before he turned away to take another order. “Just don’t let yourself get consumed by your problems. Life goes on no matter what.”

Well that would be true, but not in Levis case.

Levi catched himself staring at the bartender a lot during the night. He didn’t know what it was, but there was something about him.Something interesting, but he coundn’t figure out what it was. Was it the fact that he was starving? Probably. But there were hundreds of people in the bar, why was he not interested in them?

He even imagined how his blood would taste. Probably sweet with a nice taste of iron. He started shivering at that thought. His stomach was hurting again, so he quickly gulped down the rest of his…fifth drink? And not even thinking about stopping to drink anytime soon.

Levi realized that his thoughts were pretty disgusting. IHelooked at that young boy like he was some kind of pray. He hated these thoughts more than anything. Reducing people to their blood was disgusting and normally Levi wasn't like that. But hunger made his mind wander to those thoughts a lot during the passing hours. 

Levi wasn’t looking at the time anymore and before he knew it it was two a.m.. How he hadn’t noticed that? He wasn’t sure, but he decided to just blame the alcohol.

He decided, it was time to get back to his apartment.

When he looked around the room searching for Hange he couldn’t see her anymore. Of course she was already gone, it wasn’t a big surprise for him. He expected it. After all it was late and Levi didn’t make a move to talk to her. He was angry at himself for that, but he decided not to care about that too much. He made his way outside of the bar and decided to deal with everything tomorrow and to maybe text her in the morning.

He leaned against his car searching for his keys and another cigarette in his pockets when he heard a voice behind him.

"I hope you don't plan on driving, after the amount of alcohol you drank."

Levi turned around, instantly remembering those ocean eyes he had seen earlier. "Why would you care?"

"Well the idea of someone killing themself because of a stupid decision is not that pleasant to me." The guy said.

"Well I don't actually care." Levi answered unimpressed, folding his arms.

The young man signed. "Common I'll drive you home. I didn't drink anything. "

"So you always ask strangers to get in your car? Isn't that kind of dangerous?" Levi asked confused about the whole situation.

"Well I still haven't lost all hope in humanity jet and you seem like a trustworthy person to me, so yes, I believe it is safe.” He answered laughing.

"What about me getting wasted in a bar seems so trustworthy?" 

"I don't know its just a feeling I'm having. Now get in." The guy said pointing to the silver Kia a few parking spots away. Levi followed him without anymore complaining. He was tired anyways, so he accepted the boys offer.


End file.
